Today I had a rough start. It's Christmas day and the first thing I wake up to is my mom pounding on my door yelling at me to get up and unlock my door. After I did so, she stormed into my room yelling at me because my brother and dad had been waiting on me since 10 to get to dad's house to open presents. Even though it was only 10:30 and I had gotten less than 7 hours of sleep thanks to the rudeness of my brother (I had to wait up til 3 am for my brother to get back from his girlfriend's house so we can work on dad's present--we got nothing done because he wasn't really helpful), apparently I was the one being selfish. How dare I sleep in on Christmas, especially since I had a busy couple of nights at work--how dare I sleep in.
As soon as mom left, I went back to sleep. 'Screw You Christian' I thought as I drifted back. 'You're a selfish hypocrite---it's freakin' Christmas...you spent ALL night at your girlfriends'; I should be able to sleep since it's due to you I barely got any.' Eventually I got up and went about my business to get ready. I got to the bathroom--ready to throw up, knees buckling, arms totally weak--sick as all get out. Thanks PMS--you really know what days to shine..
Anyways, I got ready and left with a F-You speech complete with yelling at him and his hypocrisy and cussing out my family if any of them got in the way. I even made contingency plans in case I left in an angry outburst and decided to spend the day completely alone away from the family I always ponder why I was born into.
However, God spoke to me. I can't remember exactly what He said, but He basically asked why I couldn't just put it aside for His birthday. I couldn't really come up with a good answer. "But God, what if Christian yells at me and gets bossy (I swear my brother thinks he's my parent ><)? Am I supposed to take that?" His interesting response? "Just say 'Don't mess with me today.'" Haha. "But God, I really want to put him in his place.." Being the perfect patient Father, God answered, "Just tell him 'Don't mess with me today.' Better yet, look at him and say 'Merry Christmas to you too, Christian." God always has interesting answers to me--He gets my humor and sarcasm completely. Then He got serious and that's when He asked me, "Can't you put it aside just for MY birthday?"
Well of course I can. Remember the other night? Less dramatics, more smiles. Be happy. Do work cheerfully for the Lord. Be cheerful for the Lord. The Lord, the Lord, the Lord....it's all about Him today. Of course I can put my pride aside.
Happy Birthday Jesus. You really have made a difference in my life, even if I don't always reflect it. I'm trying of course. I'm trying to start living head to toe, reflecting You in my life. It's hard, but it's ALWAYS been worth it. You've always been worth it. You declared me worth it when you died on the cross. You came to this Earth and gave Your life willingly for me. I deserve to die just about every minute of the day, but You saw something in me worth saving--You made me and saw that what You created was worth saving. How can I not put aside all my pride and flaws even for just one argument for You? Looking back, I'm glad I did. It was worth it. And even though no one saw that act, You saw it and I know it pleased You. And quite honestly, nothing else made me happier today.
I always thought to myself how nothing will make me happier than pleasing my future husband. This is no longer a future since you husband and father me every day!
Thanks for being the best God, father, husband and best friend a girl could ever have. Where my human self thinks a man's hand should be, it's Yours in my right hand and a balloon in my left. What a wonderful life :)
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