I gave up Caleb, Thomas and Mike (Mike was just for good measure until I'm totally 100% over him).
Thomas isn't too hard to give up, especially since he's seeing someone now :)
But Caleb is still a challenge. I find myself thinking about him everywhere I am.
However, I have a God who actually loves me back and is worth the time of the day. Instead of thinking and fantasizing over talks with Caleb, I think, remember and talk to the God who created me and loves with with all He has.
I changed my relationship status on facebook to In A Relationship. I wanted to put With Jesus Christ, but facebook won't let me do it. So I'm thinking of making a profile for Jesus then making the connection.
But I miss my time with God. And so I've decided to give up men and stop looking for my future husband. God IS my husband and will forever husband me better than any man on the face of the planet. But I do want to meet my husband. However, God has a specific time for when I do meet my man, and until I meet him, it's pointless to keep looking. God has it in control. Nothing I can do will make my married life come quicker. The best alternative is to fall in love with Jesus and let Him show me what TRUE LOVE really is.
"A woman's heart should be so lost in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first in order to find her."
This is the woman I want to be. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman too. I want to be a woman who's so in love with God that no one and nothing can persuade her and harm her otherwise. When men leave and let you down, God is always here. And He's been wooing me ever since I was born. I just haven't been paying attention or giving in to it. And though sometimes being in love with God sounds lame and even embarrassing, I always remember the times when I was and I always remember how they were the best times in my life.
Last night I was looking in the mirror and talking to God. God asked me "Have I ever told you how you came to have curly hair?" I said "No, God, you haven't." God then told me a story--much like the stories fathers tell their daughters about their stuffed animals going on adventures with them before they became their daughters. God told me, "Before you were born, I used to hold you and play with your hair. I came to twirl it so much that when you were born, you had curly hair." XD I was like "Ohhhh God, no you didn't!" God was like, "Oh yes I did!" XD
But this is God's and my relationship. We're so silly. He gets my sense of humor and I sometimes understand His. He amuses me with funny stories much like the one I just typed AND wrestles with me sometimes. Oh, and God is a great cuddler. He watches over me and keeps me safe. He blesses me daily--I just have to remember.
So instead of being miserable over a guy, I'm taking God one day at a time--which is exactly what He tells us to do in the Bible anyways.
But I just read this amazing verse in Hosea 2:20:
"And then I'll marry you for good--forever!
I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness.
Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go.
You'll know me, God, for who I really am."
He's been speaking to me through His word a lot today.
And I'm happy.
For those who are reading this blog, I just ask that you pray for me as I start a real relationship with Jesus. I'm a bit scared and worried that I'll want to keep holding on to Caleb. I want to be in love with God. So just pray that I do just that please. And thanks :)
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